


the world's greatest pretender

by xol (firetruck)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-03 00:36:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10231565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firetruck/pseuds/xol
Summary: Luhan is the world's greatest pretender. (He pretended his way out of life).





	1. i am you.

“Turn it off, Luhan,” Minseok mumbles into the pillow. “Too loud.” 

Luhan’s alarm cuts through the lazy morning air and leaves his head pounding when he heaves himself upright on the bed. He swipes his hand across the bedside table, looking for his phone. Silencing it and disregarding the notifications flooding the screen, he sinks back into the mattress with an arm slung over Minseok. He feels another arm snaking around him as Minseok stirs.

“Don’t you have class?” Craving warmth, he inches closer and closer, resting his head in the crook of Luhan’s neck. 

“No,” Luhan lies easily. 

Unimpressed, Minseok cracks open his eyes and raises an eyebrow. Luhan ignores him, using his legs hooked around Minseok’s waist to prevent further movement.

“Luhan…” 

“Not today,” he mumbles into Minseok’s hair. “Let’s just go back to sleep.”

Minseok doesn’t answer him after that and Luhan is too tired to open his eyes again.

“Tomorrow,” he promises as he slips under.

 

 

 

Luhan wakes up to his roommate lightly slapping his face. 

“Wake up, wake up! You weren’t in class today. You overslept again, didn’t you?” 

Luhan groans, rolling over onto the other side of his bed, his comforter all tangled in between his legs. Yixing mercilessly opens the blinds and he shoves his head into the pillow, determined to not let a ray of light shine down on him. 

“Don’t make me do it, Luhan!” Yixing warns. 

Before he has a chance to respond, Yixing robs him of his blankets and uses his own pillow to smack his butt. Cold and most definitely awake now, Luhan swings his legs over the edge of his bed to snatch back his things with a huff. 

“I swear you’re evil. Why am I the only one burdened with this knowledge?”

Yixing ignores him to grab something from his backpack. It’s a notebook covered with stickers that he thrusts unceremoniously into Luhan’s arms. 

“You have one more excused absence before you start getting points off,” he reminds him. “These are the notes from today’s lecture, and there’s an exam next week. You can keep that, by the way. I have another copy.”

Luhan tosses the notebook onto his desk and moves to his dresser mirror to check his hair. As always, his bedhead is out of control and he messes around with it, trying to smooth sections down. Yixing picks up the notes and hands them to Luhan again, this time with more force. 

“You’re failing your classes, Luhan,” he stresses. 

If there’s one person Yixing has a fierce amount of affection for, its Luhan, which is why he clenches his jaw upon hearing his friend’s noncommittal hum. His nails dig into his hands, leaving angry red crescents behind as Luhan just stares at his reflection. 

“Fine. If you don’t want my help, fine!” 

Luhan watches wordlessly through his mirror as Yixing storms out of the room. Once he’s gone, he pads softly back to his bed and pulls the covers over his head, unmoving until the air grows suffocating. 

 

 

“You upset Yixing.” Minseok stares at him thoughtfully, sipping on an americano. Luhan does his best to not make eye contact and busies himself with adjusting the cardboard sleeve on his drink.

“He upset himself,” he reasons, and Minseok shakes his head. 

“Why did you do it? He’s only trying to help.” 

“He cares too much. Don’t you have anyone like that in your life?” 

Minseok sets his cup down and pretends to think. 

“Hmm…nope,” he concludes with a grin. “I’ve only got you.” 

Luhan smiles back, thankful that Minseok always knows what to say. 

 

 

“Can I sit here?” Yixing hovers by the table, balancing three plates and a drink precariously in his arms. Luhan nods and he sets everything down, sighing in relief. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, Luhan.” 

“It’s okay.” His cereal is getting soggy. 

“I’m just worried. You’ve been like this for…a while. You understand, right?”

Luhan nods even though he doesn’t understand and watches the milk eat at his fruit loops. Yixing gets through a plate and a half before speaking up again. 

“Hey, listen…me and the guys were planning on maybe seeing that new movie this weekend. I think it has one of the guys from Fast and Furious…I don’t really know the details. But do you wanna come?” 

Luhan thinks about fast cars and explosions and theaters stuffed to the brim with noisy people chewing popcorn obscenely, feeling his chest clench. Still, he pretends to be interested even though there’s no way he’s going, just to make Yixing happy. 

“Who’s going?” 

“Baekhyun, Kris, Chanyeol…maybe some others?”

“I’ll think about it.” 

“Okay! Let me know what you decide.” Yixing looks pleased with himself and Luhan thinks about how upset he’ll look when he finds out he won’t be going. 

He’s not hungry anymore.

 

 

It’s early in the morning and Luhan can’t sleep. He’s gone to the bathroom twice already and spent the rest of the time staring up at the ceiling, staring holes into it. His pillow is cool and there’s no background noise to distract his mind, but sleep still alludes him, just barely reaching his feet like the tide before pulling away again. 

Luhan listens to Yixing’s soft snores from across the room, a hollow feeling settling itself deep in his stomach. 

He misses Minseok. 

 

 

 

“Hey.” Minseok slides onto the couch next to Luhan, pressing up against his side. “Didn’t see you the other day. Where’d you go?”

Luhan shrugs, aimlessly channel surfing. He doesn’t want to watch anything, but eventually he stops on a rerun of old cartoons. 

“I couldn’t fall asleep,” he admits. Minseok raises an eyebrow. 

“That’s no good. How about now?” 

“Took a sleeping pill.” 

“You sure that’s okay?” 

Luhan watches mindlessly as Wile E. Coyote runs straight into a mountain painted to look like a stretch of road and Roadrunner pops up in the corner of the screen with a cheeky grin on its face. Minseok laces their fingers together.

“What do you mean?” 

“I feel like Yixing wouldn’t like this.” 

An anvil lands right on Wile E. Coyote’s head.

“I’m an adult,” Luhan says, for lack of a better response. 

“Are you?” 

 

 

Luhan checks his phone when he wakes up, and the first thing he sees is three missed calls from Yixing and series of texts. 

 

 

> [xing]: where've you been
> 
> [xing]: i hope you got lunch I'm at a seminar for extra credit
> 
> [xing]: it’s boring
> 
> [xing]: text me back so i know you're not dead
> 
>  
> 
> [luhan]: was with minseok
> 
> [luhan]: not dead
> 
>  
> 
> [xing]: finally
> 
> [xing]: wait whos minseok
> 
> [xing]: did you make a new friend omg
> 
> [xing]: without telling us
> 
>  
> 
> [luhan]: haha
> 
> [luhan]: have i not mentioned him before
> 
>  
> 
> [xing]: ummm idk have you???

 

 

 

“Yixing wants to meet you.” Luhan digs his toes into the warm sand and wiggles them around. 

“What’d you say to him?” 

“Nothing.” 

“You gonna keep me a secret forever?” 

Luhan leans into Minseok’s side, the sun filtering through his wide brimmed hat to create a crisscross pattern on his face. 

“Maybe,” he jokes. 

“Interesting,” comes the teasing reply. 

“Whatever.” Luhan peers up at Minseok. “Can I kiss you now?”

Minseok startles, a blush dusting his cheeks. 

“Only if you can catch me!” Quick as anything, he slips out of Luhan’s grasp and starts running towards the water, one hand holding his hat in place. When he looks back, Luhan is following close behind and they both crash into the cold waves at the same time. 

 

 

“Luhan!” 

“Minseok?”

“Luhan, wake up! Dammit, Luhan.” 

His eyes snap open to a very unhappy roommate standing over his bed with his arms crossed and he rubs his eyes blearily, sitting up.

“Yixing?”

“Why didn’t you answer my calls? I got locked out of the building and had to wait a million years before someone let me in.” 

“Uh, sorry…I was with Minseok at the…” Luhan looks around at his room. The covers are bunched up around his waist and it’s dark outside. “…the beach.”

 

 

Yixing is always staring at him nowadays, boring holes into his skull from across the room with words on the tip of his tongue he can never quite manage to choke out or swallow back down. Luhan wishes he would just spit it out, but when he does he regrets ever trying to make Yixing talk. 

“Are you still seeing…him?” 

Luhan doesn’t like the way Yixing talks about Minseok, skirting around and throwing casual remarks that are anything but. Avoiding his name and avoiding his gaze like Minseok is something to be ashamed about, something to keep contained. It’s insulting and demeaning and every other horrible word because Minseok is the best thing that’s ever happened to Luhan and he doesn’t deserve this. Minseok is the best thing to ever happen to Luhan and Yixing doesn’t know anything. 

 

* * *

 

Baekhyun stops chewing for a split second to shoot Yixing a confused look. 

“What?” 

“Stop talking with your mouth full,” Yixing chides. Baekhyun waves it off. 

“Wait, so you think this guy is _what_?” 

Yixing leans forward, elbows on the table, and drops his voice to a whisper. 

“I don’t think Minseok is real.” 

 


	2. you are me.

“I should’ve been more careful.” Minseok winces as Luhan applies a strong smelling ointment onto his leg. 

“You’re lucky Yixing keeps this stuff around,” Luhan says, gesturing to the first aid kit on the coffee table. 

Minseok smiles sheepishly. 

“Yeah, I guess I am.” 

 

 

 

“Hey Han, how’s that nasty bump healing up?” Baekhyun slides into the seat next to him with nothing but a tiny spiral bound notebook and a chewed up pen. 

“Huh? Oh…” Luhan looks down at his leg. There’s a discolored patch and he can’t seem to remember how he got it. 

“You smell like Yixing’s herbal medicine,” is the last thing Baekhyun says before their professor walks in. 

 

 

 

“It’s not a bad idea,” Minseok muses, swaying gently on the swings. 

Luhan pulls a face and grumbles something under his breath. The playground is empty of children, leaving them free to occupy the swings, and after a game of rock paper scissors, Luhan is forced to sit in the creaky one. 

“You need someone you can talk to,” Minseok continues, kicking up his legs. 

“I have you,” Luhan counters, but it sounds childish even to himself. Minseok finds it silly too, laughing and shaking his head as he swings higher and higher. 

“Not the same thing,” he says. 

He doesn’t say anything after that, focusing on the swing, and Luhan feels his heartbeat increase as Minseok’s seat starts to creak. 

“Hey, don’t you think you’re going too fast? You could fall and hurt yourself!” 

Minseok only laughs.

“I won’t!” 

 

 

 

“How was it?” Yixing perks up when he sees Luhan sprawled across the couch, phone in hand. 

“It sucked.” 

Yixing raises his eyebrows. 

“Really? I heard that Jaeyeol is an excellent counselor.” 

“Yeah, and who’d you hear that from? Baekhyun?” Luhan shakes his head. “I’m not going back.” 

“You should talk to someone about your depression and…stuff. It’s good for you.” 

“Funny how I don’t see you making appointments then.” 

“I’m not depressed, Luhan.” 

Luhan rolls his eyes. 

“We’re all depressed, ‘Xing.”

Yixing frowns and Luhan clicks an email notification that pops up on his phone. 

 

_To:_ [ _hanlu@xxxxxxxxx.edu_ ](mailto:hanlu@xxxxxxxxx.edu)

_From:_ [ _jangjaeyeol@xxxxxxxx.edu_ ](mailto:jangjaeyeol@xxxxxxxx.edu)

_Good afternoon, Luhan._

_You missed your session today, but if you’d like to reschedule I’ve attached a_

 

He deletes the email without bothering to finish reading it. 

 

 

“I’ve only got enough for a couple days before I need to get more,” Luhan sighs, resting his head on his desk. Minseok snatches the pill bottle from its place on top of a textbook before returning to his seat on Luhan’s bed. 

“How many do you have at a time?” 

“I don’t know, like four?” 

“The label says you’re only supposed to take one.” 

“And I did, until it wasn’t enough.” 

Minseok plays with the childproof cap, clicks filling the silence as he twists it the wrong way.

“Are you sure it’s alright to take so many?” 

“Would you rather I not get any sleep?”

Luhan reaches over, plucks the bottle out of Minseok’s hands, and that’s the end of that. 

 

 

 

“You do realize that you were only awake for six hours today, right? Like, out of twenty four possible hours, you were only conscious for six. That’s only one fourth of the entire day.” Yixing crosses his arms in an attempt to look as disappointed as possible. 

“It’s Saturday,” Luhan shrugs. 

“Don’t! Do not. I don’t care that it’s Saturday, because you have been doing this for a very, very long time now. The day is irrelevant.” 

“You’re overreacting.”

“Were you with Minseok?” 

Luhan pauses. He puts his fork down and chews his food very slowly. Yixing narrows his eyes.

“You were! I knew it. Let me meet him and I’ll stop ‘overreacting’.” 

“..You can’t.” 

Yixing presses his lips into a thin line and they finish their meal in silence. 

 

 

 

 

 

“They talk about you.” 

“I know, Luhan.” Minseok smiles and Luhan doesn’t know how he can be so calm all the time. 

“It doesn’t matter if we can only meet like this. You’re real enough for me,” he stresses. “ _We’re_ real enough for me.” 

Luhan looks at where Minseok’s placed his hand on his arm and swears he can feel warmth. 

“Don’t you care?” His voice sounds far away and detached from his body, as if it’s being pulled away. A sense of dread washes over him when he notices the walls start to flicker in and out of existence. “What’s happening?” 

Minseok tilts his head.

“You’re waking up.” 

 

 

 

“It sounds like he’s really gone off the deep end this time,” Baekhyun comments. 

Yixing slumps in his seat, taking a sip of his tea. 

“I tried talking to him about it but he just got mad at me. He knows it’s all in his head, that Minseok is just something he’s made up, but…he doesn’t care. He’s in love with him. Or something. I don’t know anymore.” 

Baekhyun swirls the around the ice in his coffee. 

“Well, what are you gonna do? I’m not sure you can call the police about this. I mean, he’s not a danger to himself or anyone around him, right?” 

“I don’t think so,” Yixing shrugs in defeat. “He’s just been sleeping a lot. And missing classes. God, He’s probably going to fail half of them.” 

He scrunches his eyes shut and does a brief breathing exercise. Baekhyun pats his shoulder sympathetically. 

“I don’t know what to do, Baekhyun.” 

Yixing clenches his hands into fists. 

“I don’t think I ever knew what to do.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Can we stay like this forever?” 

It should’ve been windy so high up, but curiously enough, the rooftop was still when Luhan climbed up the stairs that night. Minseok waits for him on the ledge, legs dangling off the edge and face pressed against the safety railings. 

The sky is clear and filled with stars when he slips his legs through the rails, tightly gripping the metal bars. The traffic and lights below them seem so far away and unreal, just how Luhan likes it, and he slips his hand into Minseok’s.

Minseok grins wide and swings his feet back and forth. 

“We can stay like this for as long as you want.” 

Halfway through naming all the constellations, Luhan notices something strange. 

“Why don’t you have any shoes on?” 

“They’re restricting,” Minseok laughs. “I wanted to be free.” 

Under the silver moonlight, Luhan can see cuts and dried blood all over his feet. He idly wonders why he’s never noticed before. 

“Doesn’t it hurt?” 

“It doesn’t.” 

Luhan is afraid of heights, but sitting next to Minseok seems to be working wonders on that fear. In fact, he suddenly can’t think of a single thing he’s afraid of. It’s as if every negative emotion was suddenly removed from his body and sent somewhere else, never to be seen by him again. Maybe this is how Minseok feels all the time. 

Imbued with a new energy and confidence, Luhan turns to Minseok and says the one thing he’s been holding back this entire time. 

“I love you.” 

When Minseok looks back at him with a knowing smile, Luhan thinks that the twinkles in his eyes could very well be the same stars in the sky above them. 

“I know.” 

 

 

* * *

 

 

“For fucks sake,” Yixing swears roughly. “Sleeping pills, of all the things in the world. Fucking pills and alcohol.” He tosses the empty bottles aside and violently shakes Luhan by the shoulders. “Wake up, asshole! Tell me how many you took!” 

“Yixing, stop it!” Baekhyun shoves him. “We need to call a hospital!” 

“Wake up, Luhan! I can’t believe you fucking did this, you delusional bastard! Wake up, wake up, wake up…” Yixing screams, handling Luhan like a rag doll. 

 

 

_“Hello, this is 911, what’s your emergency?”_

_“Uh, hi, our friend just committed suicide..er, tried to kill himself, we found alcohol and sleeping pills next to his bed…we don’t know how long its been, we just got back and could you send someone over maybe?”_

_“Is anyone else at the scene hurt?”_

_“What? No, no..just him…”_

_“What is your current location? We’ll be right there.”_

 

* * *

 

Luhan’s parents clean away his side of the room when Yixing is in class, so the single cardboard box left out on his desk is unexpected. Dropping his bag on the couch, he runs his hands over the box. It’s plain, like every other cardboard box he’s ever seen in his life, but it has Luhan’s name on one side and Yixing’s on the top. 

There are three things in the box. 

The first is Yixing’s old notebook, covered from front to back in stickers. It’s the one he lent Luhan at the beginning of the semester. He flips through it, not really expecting there to be a secret message or something stuck in it but still a bit hopeful. There isn’t. 

The second is a keyring. _So you can stop having to call security to let you in,_ he imagines Luhan saying. 

The third is a purple post-it note with Luhan’s chicken scratch all over it. Yixing sits down in Luhan’s chair to read it, and he’s glad he did. 

 

_xing,_

_thanks for everything_

_-luhan_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh...the original plot was a lot happier i swear


End file.
